our truck was stolen …. November 25, 2007

so …. now we are vehicle-less.  We had rented a car for the trip to L.A.  I parked my lil’ ole’ pickup truck on the street outside the Avis car rental place.  It was stolen sometime over the last 2 weeks.  At first, I thought it had been towed but the police have no record of it having been towed so they came and took a stolen vehicle report instead.

Worse news … We have no comprehensive insurance on the thing.  So …. if it isn’t found intact?  We are just out of luck.  I had put it up for sale and was getting a lot of bites.  Was going to buy some kind of van once I sold the truck.  Now we just don’t have anything.  My friends/landlord/neighbors will let us use one of their cars when we need to.  We rarely leave the apartment actually so we won’t have to use it much.  But it just sucks.  But I should have had comprehensive on it, I guess.  Stupid.  My fault.  Sky has been great about it.  He is a lot like me and just doesn’t let some things get to him much.  We both pretty much believe in things happen for a reason and that something good will come out of it.  We ended up spending way more on the car than we should have because of the truck.  jeez.

So that’s all for now.  Back to work …. lots of website work to do for a couple of clients.

woohoo…….

letting go … November 12, 2007

Letting go is one of the hardest things for human beings to do but I know from experience (a LOT of experience) that when you do let things go, what you need does come to you. I was under a lot of stress trying to get ready for this trip to L.A. with Sky. I was really overwhelmed just knowing that the sooner we left, the less I would get done and thus, I would be still working when we got there. I really wanted to have a day of rest so I could “be myself” while meeting all the new people that I’ll be meeting. I just let it go and tried to remain calm and just told myself, “Hey whatever you don’t get done before you go, you’ll be able to finish once you are there.” This morning Sky tells me that he thinks we don’t have to leave yet and I was so relieved. I want to go as soon as possible but I also want to feel more free while I’m there.  I feel so much better and have been able to more leisurely get things done to prepare for the trip.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

trying …. November 9, 2007

I am trying very hard to not feel overwhelmed but sometimes it is just unavoidable.  I have a stack of work to do before we can even think of leaving town.    I have no help to do all of this.  Artists just are not usually administratively capable.  And that is the case for my dear Sky.  I am very far behind on a lot of projects that are very important.  I wish I could afford to pay someone to come in and do some basic administrative stuff.  I wish I could afford a maid!!!!  It is really hard to keep the house in order and get all of this work done.  I am exhausted and we have not even left to drive to L.A. yet.  I will be doing all the driving and I am unfamiliar with L.A. plus I literally hate traffic.  It makes me physically ill.  I have to deal with that as well.  I wish I could be a superwoman but I just am not!  I have to try to maintain a great attitude while feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted.  I have new people to meet.  I want to be my usual outgoing self!!!!  But, I’m not sure I’ll be able to because I’ll feel so exhausted.  Maybe if I can just have one day before we drive down to do absolutely nothing, I’ll be able to do it.  Time will tell.  If anyone is reading this, please do send positive vibes our way.  I know Sky will be a success.  I have no doubts about him.  But, I’m not sure if I will be.  And that makes me a bit sad.  I’ll be fine but I’m just overwhelmed right now I guess.  Man, I hope nobody reads this actually…. jeez…. what a basket case I seem to be.  Snap out of it!!!!  Okay I’m better now.  Forward!!!

enough hours in the day? October 30, 2007

There are just not enough hours in the day
to maintain a reasonable balance in my life.

This I am acutely aware of.

*pout*

overwhelmed … October 30, 2007

Okay … I am overwhelmed. And not just with all the work I have to do but with the fact that Sky and I just don’t have enough time to do near what we would like to do in so many ways. We do try to do our part at home in helping the environment but we don’t always succeed doing everything we need to do. The need for “convenience” slinks into our lives from time to time (I’m more guilty than Sky) and then guilt comes in. Why did we buy that fish sandwich at Jack in the Box? We could have had a wonderful salmon dinner at Fradelizio’s and taken some home even! Or, better yet? Waited until we got home and fixed our own dinner. I look at some of the wonderful myspace pages of groups and people working hard to make the world a better place and I wonder how on earth do those people have so much time to do everything they do????? And, then, I feel guilty. My workaholic tendencies come in to play at that moment and I try to work 18 hours a day to do everything I need to do to make a living AND save the world! …. jeez …

October 31st is coming up very soon and although that is Halloween for some and All Hallow’s Eve for others, for me … it is my mother’s birthday and my sister’s birthday. Another year that I couldn’t afford to buy them a gift! I just pray I do not forget to call them both on their birthday. I’m TERRIBLE with birthdays and holidays and all that stuff. Again, I’m amazed at people who can keep up with all of that.

Talked with a friend of ours today. She and her husband are moving to Washington State to try to live an off the grid lifestyle. I am so jealous … okay so envious — not really jealous. If they would let us move on to their property? I think Sky and I would go there. I really am ready to live a more simple life. I’ve studied it and researched it for years and years and years. I did live in an off the grid place for a few months back in East Tennessee. I learned a LOT. I think the hardest part and the part I never want to live through again? Is I don’t like having no heat at all. We will HAVE to have a decent heat source wherever we live and that is not always easy in an off the grid situation. I can do without lights. I can do without a real bathroom. I can use an outhouse with the best of them even in the winter. But I cannot type with gloves on!!! And I cannot type with frozen fingers. But, I can rough it with the best of them otherwise.

my own musings … October 28, 2007

So, I do like to post cool stuff that other people have written that I resonate with … but … this blog is supposed to contain some of my own personal musings from this sojourn of earth. Today, I pulled the card ACCEPTANCE from my Wisdom of the Crones cards. Very good advice and something I have been working on. Several of my friends lately have lamented that they do not want to see me lose myself – and I do hear them. In fact, I had already heard my own inner voice that lamented as well. It is all about balance and as we all know, that is really a hard thing to attain and then to maintain …. some kind of balance in life.

To maintain a balance in my life, I have had to let go of petty things that tend to irritate me. Was this easy? Is it easy? No. I have to maintain constant vigilance.

My tongue has been an enemy of mine for a long time. Once it lets loose, it is sometimes hard to reign it back in. So, I am trying to stop for a few seconds before I respond to things that have irritated me. Most of the time I realize that what I was about to say was unnecessary and would only cause conflict so I don’t say it. I may think it … but I keep it to myself and ?miraculously? over the next few minutes what caused me irritation dissipates and it isn’t even important in my mind anymore. Whew. Thank God I didn’t say anything. Saying something at that moment of irritation would have just caused conflict that would have lasted longer than my initial irritation and would have put another cut into any relationship.

Wow … sometimes silence really is golden. This new practice, in turn, has helped me to be calmer, happier, and more content with my life rather than worried and untrusting and paranoid. Jeez — calmer, happier, content vs. worried, untrusting and paranoid — who wouldn’t choose the first set. And, it has proven to be pretty easy to do. Just a simple biting of my tongue and wait a few seconds before responding or not responding … reacting or not reacting … and voila’ … peace!

my life … October 26, 2007

. . . is amazing. Despite many negatives (doesn’t everyone have those?), I am a truly blessed being here on this earth. Sometimes I feel guilty that I am so blessed. I am 49 years old. I feel I have lived several distinctly different lifetimes just in this one that I exist in now.

If anyone is reading this, you are coming in to my life in the midst of one of those lifetimes. Some things are constant through each lifetime but each lifetime has usually brought major change. I’m not afraid of change. That is a good thing but it also means that I end up not being a very consistent person in this sojourn here on earth.

I am a firm believer that we are spiritual beings practicing being human – rather than human beings practicing spirituality.

I’ll leave you now with that thought.