Night
We have another life between
sunset and sunrise.
The dark net of night falls upon
us allowing us to rest and
regenerate.
The dreaming subconscious
uses our imagination to teach
and enlighten.
Dreams can be the first stepping
stones to manifesting reality.
Rest in the field of all possibility.
Travel beyond space and time.
Sleep peacefully and
remember to
dream.
From The Wisdom of the Crones
so …. now we are vehicle-less. We had rented a car for the trip to L.A. I parked my lil’ ole’ pickup truck on the street outside the Avis car rental place. It was stolen sometime over the last 2 weeks. At first, I thought it had been towed but the police have no record of it having been towed so they came and took a stolen vehicle report instead.
Worse news … We have no comprehensive insurance on the thing. So …. if it isn’t found intact? We are just out of luck. I had put it up for sale and was getting a lot of bites. Was going to buy some kind of van once I sold the truck. Now we just don’t have anything. My friends/landlord/neighbors will let us use one of their cars when we need to. We rarely leave the apartment actually so we won’t have to use it much. But it just sucks. But I should have had comprehensive on it, I guess. Stupid. My fault. Sky has been great about it. He is a lot like me and just doesn’t let some things get to him much. We both pretty much believe in things happen for a reason and that something good will come out of it. We ended up spending way more on the car than we should have because of the truck. jeez.
So that’s all for now. Back to work …. lots of website work to do for a couple of clients.
woohoo…….
Wisdom wears an indigo jacket.
She takes long walks in the purple hills at twilight,
pausing to meditate at an old temple near the crossroads.
She was sick as a young child so she learned to be alone with herself at an early age.
Wisdom has a quiet mind.
She likes to think about the edges where things spill
into each other and become their opposites.
She knows how to look at things inside and out.
Sometimes her eyes go out to the thing she is looking at,
and sometimes the thing she is looking at enters through her eyes.
Questions of time, depth, and balance interest her.
She is not looking for answers.
The Book of Qualities ~ J. Ruth Gendler
Letting go is one of the hardest things for human beings to do but I know from experience (a LOT of experience) that when you do let things go, what you need does come to you. I was under a lot of stress trying to get ready for this trip to L.A. with Sky. I was really overwhelmed just knowing that the sooner we left, the less I would get done and thus, I would be still working when we got there. I really wanted to have a day of rest so I could “be myself” while meeting all the new people that I’ll be meeting. I just let it go and tried to remain calm and just told myself, “Hey whatever you don’t get done before you go, you’ll be able to finish once you are there.” This morning Sky tells me that he thinks we don’t have to leave yet and I was so relieved. I want to go as soon as possible but I also want to feel more free while I’m there. I feel so much better and have been able to more leisurely get things done to prepare for the trip. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
In an endless cycle,
the feminine
as ancient
and eternal as nature,
constantly rebirths herself.
Come, into the motion of the
origin of all things.
Come, be rocked and lulled
by the Mother Deep.
Remember to nourish her
as she
nourishes you.
From Wisdom of the Crones
I am trying very hard to not feel overwhelmed but sometimes it is just unavoidable. I have a stack of work to do before we can even think of leaving town. I have no help to do all of this. Artists just are not usually administratively capable. And that is the case for my dear Sky. I am very far behind on a lot of projects that are very important. I wish I could afford to pay someone to come in and do some basic administrative stuff. I wish I could afford a maid!!!! It is really hard to keep the house in order and get all of this work done. I am exhausted and we have not even left to drive to L.A. yet. I will be doing all the driving and I am unfamiliar with L.A. plus I literally hate traffic. It makes me physically ill. I have to deal with that as well. I wish I could be a superwoman but I just am not! I have to try to maintain a great attitude while feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted. I have new people to meet. I want to be my usual outgoing self!!!! But, I’m not sure I’ll be able to because I’ll feel so exhausted. Maybe if I can just have one day before we drive down to do absolutely nothing, I’ll be able to do it. Time will tell. If anyone is reading this, please do send positive vibes our way. I know Sky will be a success. I have no doubts about him. But, I’m not sure if I will be. And that makes me a bit sad. I’ll be fine but I’m just overwhelmed right now I guess. Man, I hope nobody reads this actually…. jeez…. what a basket case I seem to be. Snap out of it!!!! Okay I’m better now. Forward!!!
One of my regrets in my life (and yes, I do have just a few) is not doing the research I should have to prove my tsalagi (cherokee) heritage. The last living relative that we know of has now passed away. I do know that we are of the Eastern Band of Cherokee that still exist in the North Carolina territory and that we did not go on the Trail of Tears. I look more like my Scottish heritage than my Tsalagi heritage although my biological father definitely looks Tsalagi. My father was raised in Northeastern Alabama and considered himself part of a poor Indian family. He had several brothers and sisters but was so ashamed of his poverty that when he turned 18 and joined the air force he rarely spent time with his family. During the time my parents were married (approx. 4 years) I met my paternal grandparents once. In my Dad’s later years he does regret not spending more time with his parents as an adult and regrets feeling so ashamed of his poverty. When I went to live in an ecovillage and was writing my Dad about it, he could not believe that I would CHOOSE to live the way he was FORCED to live as a child. Because of my basic animist beliefs, I feel that my Tsalagi roots are very much a part of my DNA and I wish to learn more but it is hard to separate the truth from the made up Cherokee teachings. I just try to go with what resonates the most with my soul and heart. The mountains of North Carolina definitely feel like home to me.
Guest House
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ ~ ~ Rumi ~ ~ ~
“Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive”
~ ~ ~ Sir Walter Scott ~ ~ ~
Dignity
Time helps us honor he nobility of self.
What we think of ourselves is now more important than what others think of us.
Celebrate the unique you.
Acknowledge your worthiness.
Those who make you feel insecure can’t do so without your permission.
Respect yourself.
~ ~ ~ From Wisdom of the Crones ~ ~ ~
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